U.S. Dept of Health Approves Insurance Coverage for Homeland Honeys

Washington D.C. – In an unprecedented move by legislators, a new bill to extend coverage for long-distant lovers was rapidly fast tracked and approved in what was probably the smoothest transaction for politicians since Teddy Roosevelt’s Big Stick policy.

Advantageous to those with loved ones still living abroad and hoping for a Green Card, the indigenous tribe of Hmong who migrated to the U.S. after the Vietnam war celebrated this extension particularly because up to 50% of their domestic state-side men have hopes of bringing their young brides to the United States but worry about the recent increase of health issues in third world countries such as Laos or Thailand.  Concerns of receiving ill immigrants motivated authorities to extend health insurance coverage for loved ones of U.S. Citizens who have been strung along for 3 years or more from their homeland honeys.  Other restrictions include giving preference to Hmong men who are over 55 years old that are either divorced or widowed and their child brides are 16 yrs of age or under.  And even though these girls will probably never bear children for blank-shooting cradle robbers, it’s the hope that just bringing them here will sustain a secondary market of quickly divorced but fertile group of Hmong women who will seek men who were born in at least the same century as them and produce health tax-paying children in the future.

When we contacted the law firm of Feric Blong Lee, immigration lawyer from St. Paul, MN, for comments to the new legislation, he responded by saying, “We want to thank the United States of Health Department for their involvement in helping my clients keeping their lovers healthy enough for them to coming over here.  My business is booming now because many of my brothers didn’t even know if their honeys were for real or if they’ve been sending their money to smart Hmong women who sweet talking to more than one man.  But this law will help prove if their honeys are pure and clean.  This is the Amelikan dream come true.”

Yes Feric, this is indeed the American dream for most Hmong men.

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Written by Zaub Qaub

They say he still holds the Midwest's record for growing the largest cucumber, but he modestly claims "it's really not that big" as he tucks it into his pant legs. ZQ is dedicated to feeding the world with veggies from his garden. You can find him at most farmer's markets, looking for the freshest leaves to toss his salad.

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