Hmong National Development Reaching Out to Young Professionals

Minneapolis, MN – It is that time again.  The annual Hmong National Development (HND) conference is right around the corner.  This year looks to be a promising year with more registered attendees than previous years.  Our inside informant, who has chosen the covert name Bubble Gum Shong, has given ZQ the inside scoop that there will be something special about this year’s conference.

Behind the front of a legitimate conference, HND’s other mission is to help lonely Hmong professionals and college students find love because who doesn’t want to be loved?  The demographics of attendees range from college students wanking off on a Friday night to well off middle class Hmong folks who can actually afford the fees, and white people with yellow fever.

Attendees are encouraged to bring their own beer, however each workshop will have its very own full barrel keg.  And also to encourage safe sex and personal responsibility, items such as condoms and the morning-after pill will be provided free of charge.  In addition to these party favors, there will be live music from Kong and Shu Lor, Sudden Rush, Maa Vue, and Pitbull.

In an interview with Bubble Gum they had this to say: “Spruce Thao [lead coordinator for the event] got together with board members and they just weren’t sure where HND was going or what it was doing anymore.  The mission of HND was continuing strong, however the vision was a bit blurry and out of line with what they originally wanted.  They just felt like they had to do something to reinvigorate the community.  Get more people involved.  Aside from the few that actually do something, the majority of people who attend are just here to attempt to get alcohol poisoning and then try to get laid (in that order).  We need to find a way of reaching a more diverse crowd yet keeping the interests of our current attendees in mind.”

Spruce Thao and a few selected board members have secretly withheld money all these years to save up for workshops such as How to Act like a Snob, Safe Sex in 3D, Sexual Positions in 3D, How to Bring a Girl Home for Marriage, and Speed Dating.  Similar to scholarships, some of the funds will be given out specifically to help with the bride price of those who got knocked up during the conference.  Board members have estimated that as many as 200 women will become “preggo” because of this event and they want to help with the responsibility.

In addition to adding these new workshops and hosting an orgy on the 13th floor, HND will also be changing its name from the Hmong National Development to Hmong National Dating.  If you have questions about how to register, how to become a volunteer, or anything related to the new HND please contact us. ■

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Written by Zaub Qaub

They say he still holds the Midwest's record for growing the largest cucumber, but he modestly claims "it's really not that big" as he tucks it into his pant legs. ZQ is dedicated to feeding the world with veggies from his garden. You can find him at most farmer's markets, looking for the freshest leaves to toss his salad.

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